I'd love to be free. Just not today.

Freedom is what most of us are after. More time, less having to, the feeling that our life belongs to us again. Ask around and almost everyone wants to get there. It just does not fit right now.

I know my own sentences quite well. First there has to be enough money. First the kids have to be older. The house was only just built. Later, when things calm down, when it feels safer, when the right moment comes.

And the strange thing is that all of it is true. These are not lazy excuses you make up on the spot. They are real reasons. Important ones, even.

Maybe they are good reasons. And still the excuses for why I am not free yet.

Both are true

For a long time I thought I had to choose. Either it is a good reason or it is an excuse. By now I think it is often both at once. The reason is real, and it still does the work of an excuse. It makes sure I do not have to change anything today.

The uncomfortable part is that a good reason never feels like putting things off. It feels sensible. Responsible. That is exactly why it lasts so long.

What I take from it

I do not want to talk my reasons down. Some really matter, and some decisions are fine to postpone. But I try to look more honestly. With which sentence am I protecting something that matters, and with which one am I only protecting myself from starting.

I do not have an answer for everyone. I just notice that the right moment rarely arrives on its own. It probably does not exist at all, only the decision to start anyway at some point.